Reason 12: Why I Hate People

An actual conversation Saturday night, almost verbatim, between myself and a guy I'd known for less than 24 hours. I hope he wasnt serious, cause I couldn't quit laughing! I mean seriously! THE sex!

Reason 11: Why I Hate People

This is actually an old joke between me and a friend. I've never actually eaten a twinkie. But, if there were a snack cake on the bed, I'd probably get in it!

Reason 10: Why I Hate People

Seriously. People go to walmart to pick up cheap crap and get their heels bashed in by unruly mothers with baby strollers. They DO NOT go to hear raucous gospel bands..with AMPS... in the PRODUCE AISLE! Not only were my ears bleeding, but I also could not inch my way thru the wildly arm waving crowd to jiggle my melons at them or wave a zucchini lecherously. If they want bad, loud gospel music accented by heavenly gesticulating, they can go watch a Whoopi Goldburg movie.

Reason 10: Why I hate People

So... I went to Chicago last Friday. And my plane was delayed. Then they made us get on the plane an hour before our new flight time and taxi out to the runway. Just in case we could leave "early". We were out on the tarmac for approximately FOREVER. Someone had eaten Indian food and somebody kept farting. Five minutes before our new flight time, we started taxi-ing BACK to the gate. Apparently, someone was having a "medical emergency". I suspected fart poisoning. I immediately called my bff Jas, who happens to work at the airport as a firefighter/paramedic type. I left him the message above. He was not at work, but apparently, I am an unsympathetic, uncompassionate, very hungry bitch. The poor lady next to me probably wanted to switch seats, especially since I threatened to start slitting my wrists with the Vogue I was carrying. I hate delays.

Reason 9: Why I Hate People

Reason 8: Why I Hate People

I have a boy roommate. Enough said.

Reason 7: Why I Hate People

We need some new cliches. I'm tired of the same old ones. But... I will never be tired of meatballs!

I realize that this is the second post in a row that features food. I think I have a weird obsession concerning talking about food. I almost need to know what people have for lunch.. or dinner. "Fish? What kind? How was it cooked? Roasted in a plaintain leaf? What kind of sauce? What were the sides? OMG. Yum."

This obsession does not stem from an eating disorder or anything, unless only eating frozen convenience foods like hot pockets, due to high probability of food poisining myself if allowed to actually cook, is an eating disorder

Reason 6: Why I Hate People

I recently had a discussion with someone close to me about his need to "fill a void" with sex. I inquired about the efficacy of his experiment, and was not suprised to hear that the outcome was not positive (at least HIS void wasn't geting filled).

I asked him why he would continue, and he could not give me an answer. But, I am pretty sure that in that little brain of his, his inner voice was saying "Cause I damn well want too". Pretty sure also that inner voice was sitting on the toilet, eating cheetos, and pooping.

Maybe it's just me and I am not cool or sex-in-the-city enough, but meaningless sex just seems pretty lame. Granted, I've had my day where I wanted to hump everything in sight, but now I just want to hump people I really care about.

Reason 5: Why I Hate People

Seriously, people. Spay and neuter your pets. Especially the crappy exes!

Reason 4: Why I Hate People

This was an actual conversation between Jas and I last night. Then we giggled for 10 minutes. If the polar bears do revolt, everybody knows that all you haveto do is give them a Coke and they become as cuddly as kittens and bunnies and other small fluffy things.

Reason 3: Why I Hate People

I do alot of technical writing for my job and it always amazes me how educated people can butcher their native language. My friends call me a grammar nazi, but I am far from an expert. But when one of my pals said he was being "misconvenienced", I couldn't help adopting the word and using as my own!

Reason 2: Why I Hate People

A group of friends and I play Trivia Bowl at the Flying Saucer in downtown Little Rock almost every Tuesday. I draw pictures on the answer sheet. We unfortunately don't get bonus points for funny answers.

Reason 1: Why I Hate People

*Larp-->Live action role playing. I actually saw this license plate this afternoon while leaving work. I snorted. Larp-ing is funny and I can just imagine the guy driving that car in a hobbit outfit complete with hairy feet.