Reason 14: Why I hate People

The last thing I want to hear is your butt. I'm just sayin.

Reason 13: Why I Hate People

note to self: invent watch/calendar that tells boy time. will be gajillionaire!

Reason 12: Why I Hate People

An actual conversation Saturday night, almost verbatim, between myself and a guy I'd known for less than 24 hours. I hope he wasnt serious, cause I couldn't quit laughing! I mean seriously! THE sex!

Reason 11: Why I Hate People

This is actually an old joke between me and a friend. I've never actually eaten a twinkie. But, if there were a snack cake on the bed, I'd probably get in it!

Reason 10: Why I Hate People

Seriously. People go to walmart to pick up cheap crap and get their heels bashed in by unruly mothers with baby strollers. They DO NOT go to hear raucous gospel bands..with AMPS... in the PRODUCE AISLE! Not only were my ears bleeding, but I also could not inch my way thru the wildly arm waving crowd to jiggle my melons at them or wave a zucchini lecherously. If they want bad, loud gospel music accented by heavenly gesticulating, they can go watch a Whoopi Goldburg movie.

Reason 10: Why I hate People

So... I went to Chicago last Friday. And my plane was delayed. Then they made us get on the plane an hour before our new flight time and taxi out to the runway. Just in case we could leave "early". We were out on the tarmac for approximately FOREVER. Someone had eaten Indian food and somebody kept farting. Five minutes before our new flight time, we started taxi-ing BACK to the gate. Apparently, someone was having a "medical emergency". I suspected fart poisoning. I immediately called my bff Jas, who happens to work at the airport as a firefighter/paramedic type. I left him the message above. He was not at work, but apparently, I am an unsympathetic, uncompassionate, very hungry bitch. The poor lady next to me probably wanted to switch seats, especially since I threatened to start slitting my wrists with the Vogue I was carrying. I hate delays.

Reason 9: Why I Hate People